I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
