Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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