Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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