1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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