I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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