Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex