Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.