I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
