remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
