Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
