after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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