This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
