my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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