she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
