I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
