apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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