We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
