There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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