In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
