I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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