1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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