Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
