I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
