How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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