it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
