i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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