Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
