I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
