you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You may now shotgun with the bride
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
