Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.