You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE