you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.