I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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