a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
