I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
