So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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