P.S. I can't hear my feet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
