College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love having hate sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
