the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
