I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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