Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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