no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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