ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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