What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
honey bunches of taint.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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