True but thats because hes a fetus.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
