I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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