she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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