New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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