New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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