ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
