I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
