Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
