Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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