and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
