I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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