Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
