god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
