You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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