now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
