i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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