So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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