During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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