My sheets look like a crime scene.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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