I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
